Heeramandi: An Over Thought Out Review

Are We Our Own Villains?

Earlier whenever we spoke about getting married the first thought that used to come to our mind was if our parents were going to be alright with our decisions. Breaking the news to your parents about your boyfriend was a big deal! Generally after informing the parents, the first meeting used to be arranged where your parents will meet (read: interrogate) the guy and try to figure if he is good enough for you. If I am to believe the popular stories then the parents would obviously feel that you have picked the wrong guy and now it is a challenge for you to prove to your parents that the guy is right for you.

Depending on how well you are able to convince your parents, you get or not get married to the guy.
I was totally prepared to follow these steps. I had even convinced myself that I would be challenged by the guy’s family and will be judged for my looks, walk, cooking and cleaning skills. As I grew up and entered adolescence I began to realise that dating rules had changed a little bit, people were a little relaxed about the concept. As I started growing up I was introduced to independence and that we are allowed to make decisions for ourselves. As long as we are not doing something that is going to harm us in the long run, our parents were more or less okay about it. Mind you, I am talking about the urban, educated and a little liberal set of people here. The story in the rural and a major part of urban population is still different.

Soon I was approaching the marriageable and although my parents did not start the “You are next to get married”, my extended family and family friends did wonder when I was getting married. My standard reply to that was that I am too young to get married, I still have to achieve my dreams and that I need to secure my career before getting married.

Me, who as a child had readied myself for all the typical issues that I might have to face before getting married to the love of my life was suddenly talking about things that postponed marriage for me.

Back in the day, parents and family used to be the villain. These days, it is us!

Look at the contemporary books and movies, it is all about the youth trying to figure their life out and not just focus on getting married. We have evolved past the notion that marriage is the ultimate goal.
Viral articles about how travelling is better than getting married, why the youth is opting to get a pet instead of wishing for a child and how it is okay to be single beyond the age of 30 or 40 are making rounds. People are actually connecting to these ideas and believing that it is alright to not follow the norm and pursue what your heart wishes.

I know someone who broke up with her boyfriend of 9 years just because she was not ready to get married and he wanted to get married. Ideally, people would have judged her, she got judged even then but she knew that if she is not ready for it means she is not ready for it. Getting married because according to the society that is “the right thing to do” was something that she didn’t believe in. For her, getting married was going to start a new and the best phase of her life and if she is going to feel forced to get married then that would be nothing more than suffocating herself.

I am not sure if we are right or wrong, I am not sure if I am right or wrong but it does seem like things are changing and it is okay to not panic about not finding “the one”. It is okay to focus on your career, dreams and aspirations and keep marriage on the back burner.  

This post was just the product of what I was thinking yesterday, has the independence, career goals and progressive thinking made us go away from the roots, traditions and norms? Are we becoming our own villains? Are we scared to commit or are we just looking for something more?


  1. The pressure from the extended family and family friends is the worst part.

  2. My unsolicited advice is don't go after finding the one. If it has to happen, it will happen. I think you will find it interesting to read my latest post (2 part) about how I met my wife.


  3. The generation today is non committal and that's a reality, however, to enter a marriage as it is a norm and maybe the next stage to a relationship, to put an end to the non stop chatter of family, is not the best way to deal with things. The rise in separation and divorces just proves that this decision has to be well thought of and we are no longer a country who will suffer silently due to bonds of marriage or compromise beyond a limit.


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